what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
