I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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