She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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