i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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