I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
