After last night, I could never be a politician.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
