Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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