New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
