this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
