I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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