wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
