I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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