Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
