Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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