he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
