I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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