history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
