So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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