so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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