There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
