i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
These tits shall not be calmed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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