yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
