So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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