Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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