best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
