if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize