so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
