I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize