Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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