he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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