you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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