hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
3pm strippers are depressing
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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