I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
