Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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