whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
