you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
