If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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