Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
