I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
