Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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