Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
