Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
