You're my little dorito
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
