Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
