Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
