My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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