Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
