I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize