She's JV to your varsity
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
