Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
