Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize