Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
