He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
