dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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