maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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