sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
