My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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