I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
