No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
