i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
