1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
