id be glad to
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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