i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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