so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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