i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
