If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
