Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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