You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
