thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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