I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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