took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
