when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
