sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize