I skipped work to stalk him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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