they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
