I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
