I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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