Porn is love you can see.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
