Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
