Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
