handjob tips. give me some.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
