so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
