I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize