3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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