So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
