why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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