What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
