dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
where are you?
Hypothermia
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
