I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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