OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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