It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
