I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize